You and Me, non sequitur

Aren’t we supposed to be in love?

Amongst other things, aren’t we supposed to be in love? However, look at us; a perfect example of how loving sometimes just is not enough to make things work, of how the need to be with each other falters as time passes by. We are victims of time and space; two entities that should not be reasons for drifting apart but eventually we are left with no other alternative but to let go.

I do not even know how or what to let go; you are not mine to give away anyway. And so I am left with these non sequiturs and my own wishful thinking that someway, somehow, if I loosen up my grip just one bit, you will realize how my heart is very incapable of making all the love go away without me losing you completely.

You know how this should be; but you would not choose this way, you would not choose me. Don’t get me wrong; I do not blame you for this, I do not blame you for choosing to love yourself a little bit more and all the more that I do not blame you for trying to make the anguish of your past go away first before trying to love again. But please make a promise, Sweet Memory, that in time, when all the heartbreaks, when all the crying, when all the uncertainties have already left you; come running back to me and I’ll be here; I’ll be waiting.

Aren’t you tired of this?

Because I am. And I am not in the position to affect you with how or what I feel but I’m tired, dead tired of waiting for something good to happen; waiting for you to finally see my worth. So before I am stripped with this little mass of sanity off, I have to let it go; I have to make better choices for myself; I have to move on. So, sweet memory, I hope one day I get to tell you how much I have loved you and how much I will love you until the day when I finally see the end of the line. But for now, you will be my sweet memory; you will be the reason I do not want to see myself cry ever again; you will be the reason of the mornings I get to learn to be happy; you will be my reason. Good bye sweet memory and may you be haunted by this yearning inside of me for as long as we both shall live. I love you.

Aren’t we supposed to not dwell on this?

Yes. I still feel that there is a slight tingling of bitterness left in my heart. I cannot seem to let the thought go; that we weren’t even something special and maybe people might find this absurd and stupid that I still cling to the thought of a happy ever after with you but I am. I am hopeful that someday, somehow we will be together. I may dislike fairy tales but for you I am willing to make an exemption because even though I may not feel like a princess or a queen, I would still be crazily and pathetically in love with you and the thought of having you.

Yes, sweet memory. Never will I get tired of reminding you how beautiful it is to love; that one day, I hope the pain left by an unfortunate past will all be washed away. I will love you better, better than I have loved anybody else. 

For now, what I am feeling is a good feeling because I may feel hurt and bitter, I love you and that is enough to keep me going,

Aren’t we making a mistake by not being together?

This is not what it is supposed to feel like; like we are making a mistake. If we are happy together and apart, then we should start doubting if it is meant to be. If you won’t feel heartbroken about my absence, then we should start doubting if we have done enough, enough to save ourselves, enough to save “us” [though, there is really no “us”]. Sweet memory, every time I look up to stare at the vacuity of this sullied life I have, I wonder if at the opposite side of the universe, you are missing me too, if you are longing to hold my hand the way that I am longing to hold yours, if you think about me every second of every day. Now, it brings me to thinking, aren’t we making a mistake by not being together?